I've been forgetting things.  Words.  Sentences.  Sometimes I start to speak and I'm halfway through a phrase that doesn't make sense before I realize that I have no idea what I was even going for. Like now, a little.  Maybe it's lack of sleep.  Probably it's that I'm trying so hard to remember as much as I can, that I'm losing other parts.

Like how I didn’t know we were out of oil until last night’s shower.  I didn’t even know we were low.  But I’m hopping around at quarter-to-ten, darting in and out of the cold water, making hyperventilating noises.  Someone must’ve… something, I muttered to myself, unwilling to believe that we had let our oil tank run dry, not even noticed.  Or the Redbox film I found still in the computer disk drive… from the beginning of May. 

Worse yet, I forgot our business cell phone on the counter yesterday. This on the day when we handed out 200 fliers with our call-in number boldly printed across the front.  This might not seem like a big deal.  But we live over an hour from the shop, and we'd just arrived at work.  I debated driving home.  I even sped back toward the highway, but instead of making the 2.5 hour round trip, I turned around. I bought a phone charger for our personal cell phone (which was completely dead) and managed to forward all calls from the business number to our personal number.   And it worked, but it just seemed like a bundle of extra trouble all because my mind is jumbled.

So here I am, trying to notice everything about the people who pass and the customers who stop.  Trying to absorb the sun and the salted air and the atmosphere.   Trying to make something of it all while I quietly lose my own mind. 

Is it worth it?  Yesterday I would have said I don't know.  But today is something altogether different.  Today is bright blue and squint-your-eyes sunny.  Today is warm with families that wander by carrying boogie boards and sand buckets and maybe they'll stop by for lunch.  I hope they do